I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
