Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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