Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
