I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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