I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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