Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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