Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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