Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
