the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
