Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
