I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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