Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
