Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
