My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
