Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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