dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
