Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
