So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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