I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
