this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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