I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
