okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We are two peas in an std pod
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
