I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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