You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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