If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
