sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she looked like the before picture.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
