mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
