Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
