she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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