Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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