All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
