During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
