Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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