You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
