I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
