Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
