Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
