I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
