Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
