I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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