Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
