Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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