I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
