I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
