You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
