he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
