Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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