Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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