get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I showed him my bush... on skype.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I could fuck to npr.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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