sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
